Predictoctometres

Have you noticed how suddenly, everyone has become a world cup and football expert??? Everyone has their favourites and suddenly, everyone is the best pundit in the world!

Actually, I kinda hoped that would be the case as football has really reached fever pitch now, with the highly entertaining world cup in South Africa drawing to a close.

Despite all this new found interest, as many new lovers of the sport are finding, predicting football outcomes is not always easy. Just take for example France and Italy’s early elimination and Uruguay’s amazing run for one or even Germany’s surprising youngsters and their thrashing of England and Argentina too.

Well, now we’re finally through to the finals. The first semi final was not too hard to call. 85% of the world probably thought the Netherlands, would make it through to their first final since 1978 and they duly obliged.

But it wasn't as easy as most had predicted as the Uruguayans made them sweat a little towards the end. Still, they won it 3-2, in a game with two wonderful goals. Both great blasts from outside the box by both captains, 35-year-old Giovanni van Bronckhorst and Diego Forlan.

The other semi was a little harder to call but most were favouring the Germans. Unfortunately, the Spanish played better, basically suffocating them with their hypnotizing, pointless and boring round-the-back square-passing, waiting till their opponents got dizzy and then giving it to their one striker Villa, only for him to pretty much miss everytime.

In the end, it took a run-of-the mill drab, England-style head-from-a-corner type goal by monster-man Puyol to get them through. Bah.

Who predicted that one then? After waking up at 3.30 in the morning to watch the game, I certainly hadn’t but was expecting a little more to be honest.

1-0 in the end and the poor Germans, who had played the most exciting football in the tournament by far, had been edged out by the pathetic Spanish exploits and their dull possession-style football ...*sigh*...

Sounds like someones's a little bitter, right? But seriously. Many are saying that is a wonderful example of the beautiful game. I don't think so. I think it's boring. Yawn-tastically drab.

The beautiful game should be about attacking, not boring the other team to death with placid, meaningless passes around midfield, till the others are forced to sit back and wait for it. How dull. Anyone else wonder why Spain have won all their games since the last 16 just 1-0? Indeed.

Still, as for the powers of prediction, I'm going to stick with my ...*ahem*... pre-tournament vote and say that the Netherlands will prevail (http://jasonsworldcup.blogspot.com/2010/05/whos.html).

Although, the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised to see the Spaniards do another one of their "sucking-the-life-out-of-the-so-called beautiful-game" routines and giving the ball to Iniesta for him to roll around on the ground, everytime someone breaths on him again.

Anyway, moving on...

Now, everyone has an opinion, right? Everyone has their predictions and their ideas and guesses as to who will emerge victorious and sometimes, even how they will do it too.

But none has caught the eye as vividly and mysteriously as the recent phenomenon that is known as ‘Psychic Paul the Octopus’!

British-born Paul, who lives at the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany, quite simply is an octopus who has correctly managed to predict all of Germany's results in this year’s World Cup. This even includes their surprising defeat to Serbia in the group stages.

Such is the hype surrounding this 8-legged sea creature, that some are even saying there's no point playing the games afterwards! It's a bit nuts but, basically - as you can see in the picture above - 2 mussels are placed inside two boxes, with the two flags of the countries that are competing against each other, glued on the outside of each one.

Paul then waits and uses his super future-vision-tentacles (or FVT's) to tell us all, that we're a pretty stupid species for wondering who might win the next match. He knows cus he's smart and cool and, like no other octopus has ever done before, he is sharing his insight with the world.

Unfortunately, Paul speaks a 'special' octopaedic language which is too intricate and too fast for us mere, simple-minded humanoids to understand, so he's come down to our level for the last month and decided to communicate via the pathetic use of these two boxes. It's almost like he's mocking us… but I’m sure he’s not, right?

What people don't actually realize is that Paul is an escaped “octovict” (or convict as we know it). He was an infamous politician and was arrested for crimes committed at the under-sea, political Octagon (the American's have a similar one on land but like the rest of us silly beings, they were only smart enough to create one with five sides).

Paul was banished from the underwater world of politics for allegedly "using his FVT powers in less-than-cool ways" and subsequently was sentenced to 'death-by-human-consumption'.

Strangely enough, Paul actually then managed to escape but, in a strange twist of fate, was rather unfortunately captured by the human 'fishing-police' days later.

Incredibly, Paul was offered the chance of a reprieve by helping us humanoids predict the world cup results! A deal gladly accepted at the time in exchange for his freedom and for us not denouncing him to the octhorities (all of which would have resulted in him being given back to us to be eaten!).

But all this over-obsessive use of his FVT's has clearly got out of hand now and looks like it's gonna be coming at a cost. His recent prediction informed the world that the Germans would lose their semi finals. A pretty stupid move for one seeking refuge on German soil, if you ask me!

Many are now calling for the 'octo-beast' to be "thrown into the frying pan" anyway! One German journalist said after the game that he had a sudden urge for fried squid and would do everything in his power to find a restaurant serving it.

In stark contrast, over in the Spanish community, there is a new found love for the recent ‘herocto’ with people praising him left, right and centre. In New York, Spanish celebrity chef José Andrés has honoured the ‘tentacled one’ by removing octopus from the menu of all his U.S. restaurants!

In Madrid, Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luiz Rodriguez Zapatero has voiced slight concerns over Paul's safety by stating: "I am concerned for the octopus... I am thinking of sending him a protective team."

Some may think this is funny, but I for one don't. Also, I'm very disappointed with the fact that the British authorities are not doing anything either. He was born in England for god's sake and, I'm not too sure but, I think he holds dual citizenship!

I think we should start a new campaign here. It's a simple but effective one.

"Free Paul for All!"

Heck, I’d go to that restaurant.

I just hope it's not too late!